3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
