I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
