i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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