WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
