Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize