Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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