His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
