you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Randomize
