my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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