I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
