GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Another day, another engagement, another cat
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
