Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
