I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
