Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
