Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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