It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
