P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
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I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
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