apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
