My Higher Power is John Stamos
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
