we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
