She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
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