All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
