escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
