***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Buhtt sex?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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