You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
