guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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