They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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