Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
