it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Dignity is for republicans.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
