If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
