I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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