and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
