Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
