I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
