I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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