Will you blow on my dice?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize