U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
