Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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