so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You're earring is so big in my mouth
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize