I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
