It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
