maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
