now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
