The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
