Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
