We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Randomize
