there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It was like giving head to a cactus.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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