You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
