halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
