If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
