My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
