Michael Bay diarrhea
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
The best revenge is premature balding
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
