What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
