I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
COCAINE IS GR8
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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