tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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