Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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