remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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