i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
