im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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