In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
