My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
