I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
