Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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