my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
