If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I would ride that face into the sunset
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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