I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I need water and some morals
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize