o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
