So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
