When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
