You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Terrible idea I love it
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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