It's Friday. Sex?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
17 year olds will be the death of me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
